Today on Mother's Day, we get the opportunity to celebrate all that is a mother. The celebration knows no age and includes anyone who ever gave birth or anyone who nurtured us. The father of grown children, I don't always take the time to think about my own mother, those that I know are mothers, and those who selflessly allowed me to be a part of their lives. I am the better for all.
I lost my mother many years before, perhaps 10. I know some would fault me for not knowing exactly when my mother died ( I could look it up on the death certificate that resides somewhere in my house), but I really don't remember. I know it was in early December. My brother's family and I had been at my parents' house for Thanksgiving, and the conversation got around to the concern for Mom's welfare in the house and should we be looking at some sort of assisted living for her. Falling asleep while eating, see her deteriorate rapidly that fall, we knew the time would be coming soon that my dad would not be able to take care of her. Ironically, we always had secretly wished my dad would pass first concerned that he would never be able to take care of himself with mom doing the cooking, cleaning, shopping and all of it. Mom went into congestive heart failure, fell asleep at the hospital and passed quietly. While I don't remember the exact date, I remember the details.
My mom never really had the coping skill set she needed to exist in a marriage with an alcoholic. Most of my friends know that I grew up in a tough home. My dad would drink a large chunk of the money he earned working hard at silo cement factory. Mom did various odd jobs; retail, daycare, some sewing to make ends meet from the loss of income to the alcoholism. I remind myself all the time of this when I think back to the life I had growing up. Hers was no better and she had children to take care.
Rather than speak of the difficulties she had let, let me extol about all the amazing things she did, then share about the other wonderful moms I have had. My own mother worked to make sure I had the things that most adolescents had even though there was little money to make the happen. Often depriving herself of needed things, I had a money for new clothes for a dance, a record album I wanted, or even a special meal. Often the money wasn't there to do those things, but somehow or another she made it happen. She was often mother and father to me. She held a house together when sometimes the bills were more than the income. She made sure that when friends came to visit my drunken father was often out of sight, knowing that it would reflect on me. She kept me going to church even when I thought it was for little kids or old people. She knew all the right things to do, did them, and made sure they were available.
When I was older and left home, I found that mothers are mothers everywhere. They have no issue bringing you into their family and the rewards from such a relationship are profound. My first year of teaching was a year of soul searching. I knew what I wanted, I knew what I needed to do, I knew that I probably didn't have all the things I needed to make it happen. I found myself a part of an amazing family- not just one part but all of it. Jay Ross connected to me as a young teacher, saw I was floundering with so many parts of my first year, and became a self less mentor, With Jay, came Gloria. Already a mother of four growing kids, she made room in her heart and home for me. It wasn't long that she was my second mother. She fed me, listened when things were not going well, scolded me when I did stupid stuff, and never ever was without a hug if i needed one. She is an amazing woman, After her kids were almost grown, she went back to school, got a degree, started a career and continues that to this day. One could say her husband Jay is a dreamer. One could say I am very much like him. She was able to hold so many things together. Last summer, like so many other women, Gloria had a cancer scare. I never ever thought there could be a time when she wasn't there. Gratefully, she is well and back to normal and can still work, fish, cook and keep that immaculate house that she does all the time being a grandma too! I love you Gloria!
In that same family, Jay's younger brother, Bob, is married to an equally marvelous lady. Mary is responsible for some many good things in my life. I often refer to my years in Ortonville as the years I grew up. Mary is probably the most responsible for my faith life. I have learned so much about Christian faith from her. She is always patient, kind, and loving, One of the greatest gifts she ever gave me was the chance to be around her sons when they were little. To this day, those guys are very dear to me as is the entire family. Mary is a woman is always gracious- no matter what. She is styled with class, educated, and loves to laugh. I often wonder what my life would be like if God didn't plant her there. Whether her role be friend, sister, mother, the care and love i have for her and her family is so real and rich. This is the stuff of God's promise!
My Aunt Diana remains one the greatest women I have met. She has had her score of troubles and remains undaunted by most things. She never never forgets to laugh! When I get to have a conversation with her, I usually end up feeling 10 feet tall because we have laughed for the entire length of the phone call. Married to my Uncle Rich, whom I wrote about earlier and who was a dreamer and compassionate man, she was the stability in a marriage that had its turns. When my uncle could be impetuous or stubborn, she could find a way to bring a calmness to the situation. When my uncle passed away, I vowed to keep in contact with her. In many families, she would have just been my uncle's wife. She is not just that, she is someone I love, wish I saw more often, and will treasure always. Aunt Diana I love you!
There are others. My friend Doug's mother is amazing. Pat is another woman who could conquer the world if need be. She is kind, loving, incredibly gracious and another woman of faith. I sometimes think of WWPD ( what would Pat do ) in circumstances of frustration with my church and other things in my life. She understands things before they surface, and she has so much common sense. When I get to hang out with friend Doug, I see her grace in him every time we are together! Thanks Pat for taking the time to be involved! Thanks for taking the interest in me and my family. I think you are one of the solid rocks of St. Matthew's.
When the African saying " It takes a community to raise a child" was more popular than it is today, I always understood what it means. God places so many people in our lives it's impossible for His grace not so show through in the women in our lives. We are blessed by the love of all those who day in day out help us get by, survive, and make it a wonderful life!
Thank you.
Keith
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