Over the course of the last 5-6 years, we have brought a person into our family who has enriched our lives, become a close friend, almost an older son if you will. So much that Louise refers to him as our older son. While that is another blog, the uniqueness of the situation lends itself for me to talk about another person who has been and continues to be someone of great importance in my life.
If you have followed any of my blogs across this year, you will often hear me talk about Ortonville. It’s hard for me not to think of Ortonville as my hometown for many reasons. During those years of my first teaching job, I really grew up there, found a real family, and really the foundation for whom I have become was set there. I was brought into this terrific family that through the years has blessed my life so richly. It’s hard to imagine even being around let alone a husband, dad, teacher, or a coach without that influence. Among those lifelong influences comes from my friend Bob.
You need to know a few things about Bob-you will never find a man with a kinder heart. You will never find a man with bigger shoulders. You will never find a man who truly believes in the goodness of people. While I would like to think I can do that, I hide in the shadow of this man. Some of life’s greatest lessons I have learned from this man- as well as how to make Taco Salad the right way!
I was excited to get my first job teaching. I had no clue that a small town would be so small (even after growing up in one). Floundering a little to find a place, I immersed myself in everything. I coached jr. high wrestling- can you say sit out? I directed the plays, advised the newspaper and the junior class, challenged the social studies teacher who ran the AV room, and did just about anything I could to get noticed. One Sunday afternoon, I drove up to the football field which I quickly learned was the center of town on Friday nights to engage in some flag football. While not being a jock (the wrestling thing was to impress this overbearing and often inappropriate coach teacher), I figure it would be a good mixer. Some of the other new teachers were going and so I did as well. Instantly, Bob had organized the game, had me on his side, didn’t’ matter that I was the chubby one, and brought me into the Sunday flag football group as though I had been there years.
It was just the start. Over the years I was in Ortonville, Bob not only befriended me but allowed me to be a part of him and his family’s lives. I have to share what a giant of a man this guy is (for sure in my eyes ). Life was often troublesome for me for lots of reasons. Bob saw a way to make them even keel. He found a way to make large things appear insignificant. He never had a moment when he wasn’t afraid to show me how to be supportive to kids, people, and community. I can pinpoint moments that 25 years are as vivid today and as important to me as they were back then, perhaps even more important with time, age, and history.
Here are few across the short time of living in Ortonville are moments that I not only cherish but have built into my character:
Getting the chance to play Flag football and later Broomball. You have no idea of the confidence builder those were, Bob. It showed me that moving out of my comfort zone on some things was good for the character, soul, and body. I am still figuring out golf.
Walks along the lake road that were supposed to be good for us physically were also good for us spiritually. It’s where I knew it was ok to be a Christian Man.
When Ben died and Chuck and I got lost in the cities, you were there to comfort us in spite of just losing your son. I learned that hearts break for lots of reason and people that care about you can heal them.
I remember playing racquetball with you and being beaten. I was so upset with myself and cursed and was a poor sport. I learned to be a good sport that night. You were upset by the behavior, never once telling me so just by how your reactions went from excited to feeling overwhelmed by the bad behaviors.
Cheering kids to success even those that are not yours is important. You were there to support speech and plays, things I’m not sure you knew much about in the beginning, but took an interest cause they were mine. I remember making the cancer patients look ill with your expertise while directing The Shadow Box.
The several times you took me fishing. While you were focused in on the job at hand, it was the unspoken that was louder than words. That has been a valuable lesson for me all my life. I talk if uneasy. Sometimes “no words” is more important than many.
The gift of your family, especially those three boys, taught me what a family is and how you are part of your family no matter its configuration. It was great that I could show that learning back by bringing my own family to you. In fact, the greatest tribute to you and Mary was to have you be Godparents to Zach.
As I have gotten older and have had medical issues that frighten or confuse me, you have been there to be my resource and a support if need be. I remember how frightened you were when you tipped the 3 wheeler and really hurt yourself. I remember how more frightened you were when I tipped the 3 wheeler while we delivered meds in a snowstorm.
In the few and infrequent trips I make to my “ home town” these days, I get all excited when I hit Starbuck. In my mind, I can see the house, I can see the room and the piano and the kitchen where I spent so many moments of my life, It’s where I learned the greatest cook was the Clubhouse when it really was Mary. It’s where I studied for my GRE because some how it was easier at your place. It’s where time and time again I found home.
When I was younger and living in Ortonville, there was a Kenny Rogers song from a Burt Lancaster Kirk Douglas movie called “Tough Guys” . I used to think that how cool it would be to someday think “They Don’t Make Them Like They Used To“ was about you and me, Bob. Here we are and guess what, they don’t.
Thanks for so much for what I’m sure you never knew you gave.
Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps.
Over the course of the last 5-6 years, we have brought a person into our family who has enriched our lives, become a close friend, almost an older son if you will. So much that Louise refers to him as our older son. While that is another blog, the uniqueness of the situation lends itself for me to talk about another person who has been and continues to be someone of great importance in my life.
If you have followed any of my blogs across this year, you will often hear me talk about Ortonville. It’s hard for me not to think of Ortonville as my hometown for many reasons. During those years of my first teaching job, I really grew up there, found a real family, and really the foundation for whom I have become was set there. I was brought into this terrific family that through the years has blessed my life so richly. It’s hard to imagine even being around let alone a husband, dad, teacher, or a coach without that influence. Among those lifelong influences comes from my friend Bob.
You need to know a few things about Bob-you will never find a man with a kinder heart. You will never find a man with bigger shoulders. You will never find a man who truly believes in the goodness of people. While I would like to think I can do that, I hide in the shadow of this man. Some of life’s greatest lessons I have learned from this man- as well as how to make Taco Salad the right way!
I was excited to get my first job teaching. I had no clue that a small town would be so small (even after growing up in one). Floundering a little to find a place, I immersed myself in everything. I coached jr. high wrestling- can you say sit out? I directed the plays, advised the newspaper and the junior class, challenged the social studies teacher who ran the AV room, and did just about anything I could to get noticed. One Sunday afternoon, I drove up to the football field which I quickly learned was the center of town on Friday nights to engage in some flag football. While not being a jock (the wrestling thing was to impress this overbearing and often inappropriate coach teacher), I figure it would be a good mixer. Some of the other new teachers were going and so I did as well. Instantly, Bob had organized the game, had me on his side, didn’t’ matter that I was the chubby one, and brought me into the Sunday flag football group as though I had been there years.
It was just the start. Over the years I was in Ortonville, Bob not only befriended me but allowed me to be a part of him and his family’s lives. I have to share what a giant of a man this guy is (for sure in my eyes ). Life was often troublesome for me for lots of reasons. Bob saw a way to make them even keel. He found a way to make large things appear insignificant. He never had a moment when he wasn’t afraid to show me how to be supportive to kids, people, and community. I can pinpoint moments that 25 years are as vivid today and as important to me as they were back then, perhaps even more important with time, age, and history.
Here are few across the short time of living in Ortonville are moments that I not only cherish but have built into my character:
Getting the chance to play Flag football and later Broomball. You have no idea of the confidence builder those were, Bob. It showed me that moving out of my comfort zone on some things was good for the character, soul, and body. I am still figuring out golf.
Walks along the lake road that were supposed to be good for us physically were also good for us spiritually. It’s where I knew it was ok to be a Christian Man.
When Ben died and Chuck and I got lost in the cities, you were there to comfort us in spite of just losing your son. I learned that hearts break for lots of reason and people that care about you can heal them.
I remember playing racquetball with you and being beaten. I was so upset with myself and cursed and was a poor sport. I learned to be a good sport that night. You were upset by the behavior, never once telling me so just by how your reactions went from excited to feeling overwhelmed by the bad behaviors.
Cheering kids to success even those that are not yours is important. You were there to support speech and plays, things I’m not sure you knew much about in the beginning, but took an interest cause they were mine. I remember making the cancer patients look ill with your expertise while directing The Shadow Box.
The several times you took me fishing. While you were focused in on the job at hand, it was the unspoken that was louder than words. That has been a valuable lesson for me all my life. I talk if uneasy. Sometimes “no words” is more important than many.
The gift of your family, especially those three boys, taught me what a family is and how you are part of your family no matter its configuration. It was great that I could show that learning back by bringing my own family to you. In fact, the greatest tribute to you and Mary was to have you be Godparents to Zach.
As I have gotten older and have had medical issues that frighten or confuse me, you have been there to be my resource and a support if need be. I remember how frightened you were when you tipped the 3 wheeler and really hurt yourself. I remember how more frightened you were when I tipped the 3 wheeler while we delivered meds in a snowstorm.
In the few and infrequent trips I make to my “ home town” these days, I get all excited when I hit Starbuck. In my mind, I can see the house, I can see the room and the piano and the kitchen where I spent so many moments of my life, It’s where I learned the greatest cook was the Clubhouse when it really was Mary. It’s where I studied for my GRE because some how it was easier at your place. It’s where time and time again I found home.
When I was younger and living in Ortonville, there was a Kenny Rogers song from a Burt Lancaster Kirk Douglas movie called “Tough Guys” . I used to think that how cool it would be to someday think “They Don’t Make Them Like They Used To“ was about you and me, Bob. Here we are and guess what, they don’t.
Thanks for so much for what I’m sure you never knew you gave.
Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps.
Here is a youtube version of that song!!
Cut and paste the following in your browser to hear the song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zf61NJKQXrQ
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Woman is the mother of the World ( Sorry John Lennon )
Today on Mother's Day, we get the opportunity to celebrate all that is a mother. The celebration knows no age and includes anyone who ever gave birth or anyone who nurtured us. The father of grown children, I don't always take the time to think about my own mother, those that I know are mothers, and those who selflessly allowed me to be a part of their lives. I am the better for all.
I lost my mother many years before, perhaps 10. I know some would fault me for not knowing exactly when my mother died ( I could look it up on the death certificate that resides somewhere in my house), but I really don't remember. I know it was in early December. My brother's family and I had been at my parents' house for Thanksgiving, and the conversation got around to the concern for Mom's welfare in the house and should we be looking at some sort of assisted living for her. Falling asleep while eating, see her deteriorate rapidly that fall, we knew the time would be coming soon that my dad would not be able to take care of her. Ironically, we always had secretly wished my dad would pass first concerned that he would never be able to take care of himself with mom doing the cooking, cleaning, shopping and all of it. Mom went into congestive heart failure, fell asleep at the hospital and passed quietly. While I don't remember the exact date, I remember the details.
My mom never really had the coping skill set she needed to exist in a marriage with an alcoholic. Most of my friends know that I grew up in a tough home. My dad would drink a large chunk of the money he earned working hard at silo cement factory. Mom did various odd jobs; retail, daycare, some sewing to make ends meet from the loss of income to the alcoholism. I remind myself all the time of this when I think back to the life I had growing up. Hers was no better and she had children to take care.
Rather than speak of the difficulties she had let, let me extol about all the amazing things she did, then share about the other wonderful moms I have had. My own mother worked to make sure I had the things that most adolescents had even though there was little money to make the happen. Often depriving herself of needed things, I had a money for new clothes for a dance, a record album I wanted, or even a special meal. Often the money wasn't there to do those things, but somehow or another she made it happen. She was often mother and father to me. She held a house together when sometimes the bills were more than the income. She made sure that when friends came to visit my drunken father was often out of sight, knowing that it would reflect on me. She kept me going to church even when I thought it was for little kids or old people. She knew all the right things to do, did them, and made sure they were available.
When I was older and left home, I found that mothers are mothers everywhere. They have no issue bringing you into their family and the rewards from such a relationship are profound. My first year of teaching was a year of soul searching. I knew what I wanted, I knew what I needed to do, I knew that I probably didn't have all the things I needed to make it happen. I found myself a part of an amazing family- not just one part but all of it. Jay Ross connected to me as a young teacher, saw I was floundering with so many parts of my first year, and became a self less mentor, With Jay, came Gloria. Already a mother of four growing kids, she made room in her heart and home for me. It wasn't long that she was my second mother. She fed me, listened when things were not going well, scolded me when I did stupid stuff, and never ever was without a hug if i needed one. She is an amazing woman, After her kids were almost grown, she went back to school, got a degree, started a career and continues that to this day. One could say her husband Jay is a dreamer. One could say I am very much like him. She was able to hold so many things together. Last summer, like so many other women, Gloria had a cancer scare. I never ever thought there could be a time when she wasn't there. Gratefully, she is well and back to normal and can still work, fish, cook and keep that immaculate house that she does all the time being a grandma too! I love you Gloria!
In that same family, Jay's younger brother, Bob, is married to an equally marvelous lady. Mary is responsible for some many good things in my life. I often refer to my years in Ortonville as the years I grew up. Mary is probably the most responsible for my faith life. I have learned so much about Christian faith from her. She is always patient, kind, and loving, One of the greatest gifts she ever gave me was the chance to be around her sons when they were little. To this day, those guys are very dear to me as is the entire family. Mary is a woman is always gracious- no matter what. She is styled with class, educated, and loves to laugh. I often wonder what my life would be like if God didn't plant her there. Whether her role be friend, sister, mother, the care and love i have for her and her family is so real and rich. This is the stuff of God's promise!
My Aunt Diana remains one the greatest women I have met. She has had her score of troubles and remains undaunted by most things. She never never forgets to laugh! When I get to have a conversation with her, I usually end up feeling 10 feet tall because we have laughed for the entire length of the phone call. Married to my Uncle Rich, whom I wrote about earlier and who was a dreamer and compassionate man, she was the stability in a marriage that had its turns. When my uncle could be impetuous or stubborn, she could find a way to bring a calmness to the situation. When my uncle passed away, I vowed to keep in contact with her. In many families, she would have just been my uncle's wife. She is not just that, she is someone I love, wish I saw more often, and will treasure always. Aunt Diana I love you!
There are others. My friend Doug's mother is amazing. Pat is another woman who could conquer the world if need be. She is kind, loving, incredibly gracious and another woman of faith. I sometimes think of WWPD ( what would Pat do ) in circumstances of frustration with my church and other things in my life. She understands things before they surface, and she has so much common sense. When I get to hang out with friend Doug, I see her grace in him every time we are together! Thanks Pat for taking the time to be involved! Thanks for taking the interest in me and my family. I think you are one of the solid rocks of St. Matthew's.
When the African saying " It takes a community to raise a child" was more popular than it is today, I always understood what it means. God places so many people in our lives it's impossible for His grace not so show through in the women in our lives. We are blessed by the love of all those who day in day out help us get by, survive, and make it a wonderful life!
Thank you.
Keith
I lost my mother many years before, perhaps 10. I know some would fault me for not knowing exactly when my mother died ( I could look it up on the death certificate that resides somewhere in my house), but I really don't remember. I know it was in early December. My brother's family and I had been at my parents' house for Thanksgiving, and the conversation got around to the concern for Mom's welfare in the house and should we be looking at some sort of assisted living for her. Falling asleep while eating, see her deteriorate rapidly that fall, we knew the time would be coming soon that my dad would not be able to take care of her. Ironically, we always had secretly wished my dad would pass first concerned that he would never be able to take care of himself with mom doing the cooking, cleaning, shopping and all of it. Mom went into congestive heart failure, fell asleep at the hospital and passed quietly. While I don't remember the exact date, I remember the details.
My mom never really had the coping skill set she needed to exist in a marriage with an alcoholic. Most of my friends know that I grew up in a tough home. My dad would drink a large chunk of the money he earned working hard at silo cement factory. Mom did various odd jobs; retail, daycare, some sewing to make ends meet from the loss of income to the alcoholism. I remind myself all the time of this when I think back to the life I had growing up. Hers was no better and she had children to take care.
Rather than speak of the difficulties she had let, let me extol about all the amazing things she did, then share about the other wonderful moms I have had. My own mother worked to make sure I had the things that most adolescents had even though there was little money to make the happen. Often depriving herself of needed things, I had a money for new clothes for a dance, a record album I wanted, or even a special meal. Often the money wasn't there to do those things, but somehow or another she made it happen. She was often mother and father to me. She held a house together when sometimes the bills were more than the income. She made sure that when friends came to visit my drunken father was often out of sight, knowing that it would reflect on me. She kept me going to church even when I thought it was for little kids or old people. She knew all the right things to do, did them, and made sure they were available.
When I was older and left home, I found that mothers are mothers everywhere. They have no issue bringing you into their family and the rewards from such a relationship are profound. My first year of teaching was a year of soul searching. I knew what I wanted, I knew what I needed to do, I knew that I probably didn't have all the things I needed to make it happen. I found myself a part of an amazing family- not just one part but all of it. Jay Ross connected to me as a young teacher, saw I was floundering with so many parts of my first year, and became a self less mentor, With Jay, came Gloria. Already a mother of four growing kids, she made room in her heart and home for me. It wasn't long that she was my second mother. She fed me, listened when things were not going well, scolded me when I did stupid stuff, and never ever was without a hug if i needed one. She is an amazing woman, After her kids were almost grown, she went back to school, got a degree, started a career and continues that to this day. One could say her husband Jay is a dreamer. One could say I am very much like him. She was able to hold so many things together. Last summer, like so many other women, Gloria had a cancer scare. I never ever thought there could be a time when she wasn't there. Gratefully, she is well and back to normal and can still work, fish, cook and keep that immaculate house that she does all the time being a grandma too! I love you Gloria!
In that same family, Jay's younger brother, Bob, is married to an equally marvelous lady. Mary is responsible for some many good things in my life. I often refer to my years in Ortonville as the years I grew up. Mary is probably the most responsible for my faith life. I have learned so much about Christian faith from her. She is always patient, kind, and loving, One of the greatest gifts she ever gave me was the chance to be around her sons when they were little. To this day, those guys are very dear to me as is the entire family. Mary is a woman is always gracious- no matter what. She is styled with class, educated, and loves to laugh. I often wonder what my life would be like if God didn't plant her there. Whether her role be friend, sister, mother, the care and love i have for her and her family is so real and rich. This is the stuff of God's promise!
My Aunt Diana remains one the greatest women I have met. She has had her score of troubles and remains undaunted by most things. She never never forgets to laugh! When I get to have a conversation with her, I usually end up feeling 10 feet tall because we have laughed for the entire length of the phone call. Married to my Uncle Rich, whom I wrote about earlier and who was a dreamer and compassionate man, she was the stability in a marriage that had its turns. When my uncle could be impetuous or stubborn, she could find a way to bring a calmness to the situation. When my uncle passed away, I vowed to keep in contact with her. In many families, she would have just been my uncle's wife. She is not just that, she is someone I love, wish I saw more often, and will treasure always. Aunt Diana I love you!
There are others. My friend Doug's mother is amazing. Pat is another woman who could conquer the world if need be. She is kind, loving, incredibly gracious and another woman of faith. I sometimes think of WWPD ( what would Pat do ) in circumstances of frustration with my church and other things in my life. She understands things before they surface, and she has so much common sense. When I get to hang out with friend Doug, I see her grace in him every time we are together! Thanks Pat for taking the time to be involved! Thanks for taking the interest in me and my family. I think you are one of the solid rocks of St. Matthew's.
When the African saying " It takes a community to raise a child" was more popular than it is today, I always understood what it means. God places so many people in our lives it's impossible for His grace not so show through in the women in our lives. We are blessed by the love of all those who day in day out help us get by, survive, and make it a wonderful life!
Thank you.
Keith
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